Embracing Compassion: Shaping our Perception of Reality
Written by Catherine Koverola, PhD
My previous post regarding the importance of clean lenses seems to have resonated with people. Since writing the post, I’ve engaged in several wonderfully animated conversations, using the concept of “lenses” as a jumping-off point.
It has also got me thinking more about the relationship between vision and perception. Specifically, how the lens through which we experience the world can radically change our perspective, and, thereby, our reality.
In my role as a higher education administrator, I have often encountered situations where two individuals describe the same incident in remarkably different ways. This discrepancy leaves me wondering whether the two individuals could really be describing the same event.
The saying “perception is reality” comes to mind for me in these scenarios because what each person perceives is in fact their reality. Is there a shared lens through which we can all view a situation? Or should we be looking through the lens of the other person to achieve a more complex and shared perception?
Consider our relationships with colleagues in the workplace, in our neighborhood and community, or with family members. What might happen if we were able to examine a situation from the vantage point of the other--through the lens of the other? If perception is reality, would our respective realities be different? Is it possible to move towards a shared reality?
Years ago, I recall hearing a provocative session by Dr. Mitch Abblett at a Meditation and Psychotherapy Conference. Abblett argued that, if one can bring a compassionate perspective, hate will not arise.
Through a series of experiential exercises, Abblett guided participants to cultivate compassion. He then introduced the image of a truly, universally hated individual. As we stared at the image, while being instructed to maintain a stance of compassion, a fascinating process took shape. In our reflections afterwards, it was revealed that no one was able to hold both compassion and hate in the same space.
Reflecting on these insights, much like I pondered about clean lenses, I am drawn back to the same idea. If we approach our interactions and life experiences through the shared lens of compassion, undoubtedly our own realities would become quite different.
Seven ways to cultivate compassion:
Start with being compassionate toward yourself. When your internal critic starts to berate you, replace the words of the critic with words from your kindest, wisest friend.
Take time to breathe. It's as simple as taking a few deep breaths to allow yourself to be aware of what is happening inside you. Then focus on goodness, gentleness, and kindness–extend these qualities to yourself. I know this can feel unfamiliar and even uncomfortable. However, to extend compassion to others, we first have to extend compassion to ourselves.
When you find yourself on “autopilot rage mode,” make an intentional choice to stop, and reflect on at least one person who you know loves you. Then make the decision to be kind to yourself.
Set an intention to be kind to a total stranger. For example, give someone a compliment, let someone go in front of you in line at the grocery store, pay for the coffee of the person behind you at the coffee counter. Engage in a random act of kindness, and observe how you feel afterwards.
Think of someone you have lost touch with, and send them a text or email letting them know you are thinking of them and wishing them well.
When you are in a neutral frame of mind, think of someone who really irritates you. Imagine them as if they were an infant–kind of vulnerable and even sweet. See if you can extend them grace and wish them well. If you can’t, that’s okay. Extend grace to yourself. Maybe next time.
Another time, when you are in a neutral frame of mind, think of that irritating person. Imagine them as an infant–a cute, lovable infant. Can you extend to them compassion?
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