Reviving Old Friendships: Lessons from My Scuffed Shoes
Written by Catherine Koverola, PhD
There is something really wonderful about slipping your feet into a pair of well-worn, comfortable shoes–the ones that are way past giving you blisters. You know the ones: they’ve already shaped themselves to the unique form of your foot, so pliable and soft it’s like putting on an old slipper.
A couple of weeks ago, with the changing of the seasons, I put my summer sandals away and surveyed my fall footwear. Sadly, I realized that a pair of my go-to favorites looked so beaten up they probably needed to be tossed. The heels were shredded and the suede scuffed. I couldn’t quite bear it—they were just too comfortable to discard, and once upon a time had even looked elegant. As I contemplated wearing them, in my mind’s eye, I caught sight of the disapproving look of a family member who often serves as my fashion critic. I could hear it: “Catherine—just toss them.”
But something stopped me. I decided instead to take them to my trusty cobbler and consult. To my relief it was confirmed that they were worth giving a pair of new heels. A week later, for a fraction of what it would have cost to replace them, I had my beloved, broken-in, brown suede pumps looking brand new and ready for another season of wear. In fact, they looked so new a colleague asked me where I had purchased my new shoes!
This got me thinking about relationships; those beautiful old relationships that are so familiar, pliable, and soft. The relationships that can be easily taken for granted. In the flurry of life, sometimes these too can get scuffed up, torn–even shredded–and we push them to the back of our relational closet.
What might have started as a small misunderstanding becomes something more wounding. The relationship feels damaged and worn out. We begin to convince ourselves that things simply aren’t salvageable.
We have all known relationships that simply cannot be mended. The healthy choice for both parties is to part ways. But most damaged relationships are worth cobbling. They warrant a second chance.
I was fortunate to have recently had such an experience of reconnection and reparation with an old friend. The reconciliation involved tough conversations and forgiveness, as well as forging a new way of relating. While we live thousands of miles apart and can visit only occasionally, I’m reminded that the familiarity and soft embrace of a decades-old friendship is a comfort we shouldn’t be so quick to discard.
I invite you to look in your closet for scuffed shoes of your own–you might be surprised at just how salvageable things can be.
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