Courageous Conversations: Embracing Dialogue with the Other
Written by Catherine Koverola, PhD
I was flipping through reminder notes on my phone and came across jottings from a lecture by Kwame Anthony Appiah. In his brilliant, philosophical way, Appiah told the story of Diogenes, holding the audience enraptured. While I can’t come close to emulating him, the point that stuck with me (and made it into my notes) was that “we have much to gain from dialogue with people different from us.”
During times of conflict, I find myself wondering about Appiah’s point. What can be gained from dialogue? Could peace be gained from dialogue?
I have reflected on Nelson Mandela’s example and his legacy of dialogue. While there are undeniably challenges that persist, his legacy remains, and so much was gained through dialogue in his beloved South Africa.
It can be scary to have dialogue with the Other. It requires both courage and humility. It requires putting down your guard (sometimes literally) and being open to truly hearing a different viewpoint. Undeniably there is perceived risk in having dialogue. It is so much easier to build walls–thick impenetrable walls–from behind which you can securely lob grenades, be they physical or verbal ones.
Whether the Other is a different nation or ethnic group, a different religious or political group, or in higher education, a different role such as administrator or faculty–we have much to gain from dialogue with people different from us.
It’s my observation that, during times of scarcity, walls go up and dialogue inevitably ceases. Paradoxically, it is precisely during those times that open, honest dialogue with the Other is needed most. There is usually much at stake.
Appiah also pointed out that “understanding does not require agreement.” I suspect that one barrier to dialogue with others who are different from us may be a fear that one must ultimately come to agreement, and that this could mean admitting they are wrong, or having to cede to the other’s wishes. This leads me to wonder if facilitating dialogue requires ensuring all parties recognize that understanding does not require agreement. Yet, understanding itself has tremendous merit!
I’ve begun reflecting on the different spheres of my own life, both professionally and personally, where it has been difficult to have dialogue with people different from me. I feel some tension within me subsiding as I frame these dialogues with the knowledge that understanding does not require agreement.
Have you avoided difficult dialogue with someone different from you because you fear the implications of agreement and understanding? If given the chance, equipped with Appiah’s perspective, would you give dialogue another chance?
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